Let Love Move Me

Honestly never gets old.

“We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology … But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.”  

There are events in your life that when you look back a few years afterwards, you will only remember the good and none of the bad. All of these events in my life have been marked by people. Rather than associating a memory with a feeling, I associate it with a person - so they are never forgotten or their value depreciated for what they have ultimately taught me.
It kind of makes the broken hearts easier to heal, thinking of them as a step through your life rather than something that is permanently present. When you look back, you realize how necessary that step was, no matter how hard it was to walk through. When I think of my childhood, I think of good friends and good times, those memories are more vivid than any of being picked on or ostracized. That stepping stone has been left behind. There’s no reason to dwell. It taught me how to have mature feelings and get through peoples negative emotions, the first step in creating a stable ground - a stable life. This is where is gets tough. The broken hearts. Harder to leave behind but the most necessary aspect of your being. You have to experience the lowest of the lows to understand what’s really at the top. Each boy that’s ever hurt me, or the bits of my heart that have been pushed aside as if they didn’t matter - it is all for the better. It teaches me what I really deserve and how I can obtain it. We all have or do have a “friend” who backstabs you and quite possibly pretends they didn’t do anything or shows no emotion towards you or your feelings… and no matter how close you were or how long you have known them - it really doesn’t matter. Their hatred makes you stronger. These people are one of the most important in your journey because they help define your self worth - if you put up with them, you don’t have much. And even though right now I am in the middle of one of these situations, very shortly I will not be and can look back at the good memories of this person - when our friendship was true and unchanged. It makes me see how short my life is thus far - my stepping stones walked upon are limited and I have an infinite amount left to discover. All that matters is what path I take. Every person teaches you a lesson, no matter how big or small. There are the extremes - who have always been there for you and if you truly needed them, would never turn their back on you because they know you deep down - that’s family, and the others who are so close that they might as well be. They hold the steps in your journey that bring you warmth and joy in the hardest of places. For me, knowing that I have this support system and one true friend I would trust with my life - it makes getting through the wreckage easier. They remind you that the pain eases and that with time, all things heal. They remind you of stepping stones, some smaller than others, but all important - because they led you here, right to this moment. And what’s more special than this moment, right here, right now… when all things are possible and your journey truly has not even began.

 I gaze up to stars; the vast universe unaccounted for hovering over my head. I find myself perplexed, as usual. And I always stumble upon the very same question… what is my life? Is it but a compilation of moments? Is it measured by instances of raw emotion, fleeting memories that are held captive in my heart? Could it be simpler?

All of these unanswered questions, and yet, it could be just that clear… In a world where meaning is strived for, how ironic would it be for life to mean simply… nothing.

I tend to wonder what I would measure my life by. But I find it impossible, for everything I’ve had has more so than not proven to be temporary. Perhaps I’d measure myself by these moments… reflections. Nothing but mere reflections: of how it was, it could be, should be, and quite possibly will be? I look back more than I look forward, to tell you the truth.

But once the fun and games are all over, and I try to look outside of my incredibly introspective point of view, I can see the truth. Maybe this isn’t all about the past. Maybe it’s about right here, and right now. Yes, reflections, but a different kind… The way my feelings reflect on a piece of paper. The way my heart reflects in paint strokes. The way my kindness reflects in others, and the way strangers smiles reflect in my soul. The way the sun reflects on the water. The way a small childs laughter can create a reflection so large the whole world smiles. The way my love is reflected in the people that I care for, and the way that their beauty, kindness, love, and joy is reflected in me. Everyday I live.

So yes, it is that simple. You don’t even have to measure your reasons to live.

Just look around.

There’s a place I go where all my troubles, my worries, my fears all disappear. As our state song says:

Way down upon the Suwannee River…

Not many can attest to floating along this dark stream. Not many understand what it’s like to swim in this historic river, but the second I dipped my feet into this beauty my life changed. Not only because of the pure beauty surrounding me, but because of the effect such an experience as going to music festivals since I was six years old has had on me.

Energy is high and you are surrounded by people who are all there for the same reason… to live. And live HAPPILY. When you are there you realize just how often you walk along in life with too much weight on your shoulders. Here, it is all lifted off. Here, you can breathe. You can dance and ENJOY life for once. The world is all yours when you are here. It is an understatement to say that this is my favorite place in the world. It’s so much more than that. I am more grateful than anything to have been introduced to such a place. Not many get to experience that. Being there left me with an open mind and an open heart. I can love deeper, see clearer, and think broader from all of my experiences. I am who I am because of the people I have encountered and the places I have been and this is the place that has truly influenced me the most. I appreciate the “funky side” it has given me.

My heart and soul. Their lyrics speak volumes to me. Such a deep impact this band has had on my life. There are no words. My ears were first graced with the sounds of Donna the Buffalo about 11 years ago. I used to always find my way to the front of the crowd, with eyes full of wonder and awe, staring up at this band. I was filled with euphoria whenever a band member would glance over at me and smile. What I love about this band isn’t just their lyrics, or their high and powerful energy… it’s this: they are so personal. Sure, they have thousands of fans in many different locations and have a wide following called “the herd” which I am undoubtedly a member of… but they still maintain to be familiar… in a way, they’re like family. One big funky family.

To feel the breeze, sit in a hammock and for once… just breathe…

“Way down upon the Suwannee River,

Far, far away.

That’s where my heart is yearning ever”

10 days. 10 days until I am home again.

 You really need to clap at sunsets more often. For I have witnessed such a gathering and the beauty of it filled my heart entirely. This phenomenon is too rare in this world, beautiful things are often overlooked. We all should appreciate this gift we are given and applaud for nature at it’s best. We get a show every night… priceless.

… What a way to completely alter my perspective on life… to change the way I look at this existence and all things surrounding it…

Something so small… something any other person wouldn’t think twice about when they hear it… In this instance, I took a heart full of insight from this man’s words.

I serve food at a Retirement Home dining room. So you can only guess who the majority of the people that I serve are… yes, senior citizens, the elderly, old people, “old geezers” - whatever which way you would like to label them. Anyway - my work is located right on Sarasota Bay - a large span of glistening blue reaches out straight from our several wide dining room windows… It’s sort of a life check when you look out of them - you get so busy, so stressed out - then you just turn your head momentarily and see the ocean - see life right in front of you… pure and fully alive.

It was a Sunday afternoon - when the sun is set in just the right place… the reflection on the water is mind boggling. One of the residents - an old man - took his seat at his table. From this spot, he could look out and see the long stretch of pure blue right in front of him. Instead of filling out his menu, which is normally an instinct for these people coming in - with the smell of omelets, waffles, and the like - they seem to not be able to fight their hunger. But this man was different. This man took his seat and just stared. His eyes filled with awe - his expression full of wonder. He was breathtaken. And that’s when he spoke the words I hope to never forget…

“It’s all just so beautiful. Everything is so beautiful.”

His sincerity was almost poetic. It honestly made me almost tear up with how much I was smiling from across the room. The few statements he made alone just filled me with joy and insight. So simple… yet, so unexpected. It put me in the right mind set. In a way, it was exactly what I needed.

See, I realize how often I walk with my head down. I treat life as if it owes me something sometimes… as if I have all of this weight to carry on my shoulders. But life doesn’t owe me anything, truly. Life gives me everything it has… The wind, the sky, the ocean, bright hearts, shining faces… so many wonders that are so easily taken for granted. I tend to pick and find problems with everything, it is common among those with two X chromosomes, in case you did not know. But aside from that, I have already been on edge. A friend of mine’s life was taken in a terrible accident less than a month ago. Him and I were not very close, but it is still safe to say that his death tore me apart. I could not keep my mind off of it. I cannot tell you how many times I have cried about it. I just did not understand why this had to happen… but I can tell you that it has changed me in a big way.

I look back… and the entire situation taught me one huge lesson that I desperately needed. Life really is short. As cliche as that sounds, it is true. And who knows if I will live to the age of the old man staring out of the dining room window in pure awe and be able to take in all of the beauty that surrounds me… or if I will die young in some type of accident where I did not deserve to be taken so soon… you never truly know.

This is what it all comes down to…

Be free. Never take advantage of anything. Live with a kind heart, a kind soul. Take note of all of the wondrous, beautiful creations you witness every second you are alive. Let something take your breath away. Stop being afraid. Let the world in.

Let love move you.

Every time you look at the nature and beauty that surrounds you, take a second to say:

“It’s all so beautiful. Everything is so beautiful.”

Because it is.

Live like nature. Explode slowly, day by day, from the center outwards. You won’t notice how brightly you burn or how big you’ve grown until you look back. And then you will be amazed.

Christopher McCandless

Words cannot express how much this song, Tara’s words, and this band as a whole mean to me.

Albert Camus

Oh yes.

Best way to spend my Sunday.

“I’m not gonna force the issue, I’m tired of this frustrate and cry, I’m gonna live in full color, I’m gonna spread my wings and fly…”

I’ve shed tears listening to this song.

I cannot WAIT to see them this weekend.